I just recently realized, nah…not realized, because I’ve always been somewhat aware of it, let’s say I just recently accepted something about myself. It’s not the most flattering of things for sure, however it is a definite reality…
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE SHADOW
I have officially accepted the fact that I’m a lazy bitch. It’s not just that I’m chill or able to turn things off & relax when necessary. I’m not sugar coating it with pretty words. Nope.
I. Am. Lazy.
Which probably explains why I don’t get half the things done that I plan on getting done. For example, while most people when faced with deciding between painting the kitchen ceiling & sitting in the backyard staring up at the trees would get the damn ceiling painted even though they’d rather sit in the yard doing nothing, I will choose sitting in the yard every time.
And what does that get me? Besides a kitchen ceiling that’s needed a coat of paint for a couple of years now? It leaves me feeling guilty, frustrated & angry with myself because every time I go in the kitchen I’m reminded of what I should’ve been doing.
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” ~Carl Jung
So where exactly does this lazy aspect of my personality come from? It comes from my shadow self. The shadow self is a concept that was first explored by psychologist Carl Jung in the 40’s & 50’s & his findings still make a shit ton of sense today. In layman’s terms, your shadow self is made up of all of the parts of your identity that you were taught or believe to be “socially unacceptable”. They’re the parts of you that even if they developed with good reason, your brain decided that they needed to be hidden away in the darkness of your subconscious mind to keep you safe from judgment, ridicule & pain. The problem is, the longer they’re kept locked away the harder they work to find ways to stage a massive prison break.
Now you might be sitting there thinking, “This is so not me. I love everything about myself & I’m all goodness, light, fluffy bunnies & unicorn farts”.
Yaaa….no.
We’ve all got a shadow side, but sometimes it’s buried so deep our conscious minds don’t even realize it’s there. Ever have a time when you said or did something that was so far out of character for you that you were like, “What the hell??? Why did I even say/do that? Omg…who was that person?”. That my friend, was your shadow kicking & screaming to be acknowledged.
Our shadow selves aren’t always exclusively made up of traditionally “bad” traits either. Often because of bad experiences we’ve had, we stash away more positive traits as well. Traits such as creativity, outspokeness, confidence & general badassery commonly get locked away in the darkness because it felt safer to be small, quiet & unnoticed by others.
EMBRACE THE SHADOW TO MOVE INTO THE LIGHT
I assume since you’re here reading this you have at least some interest in being your most awesome self living your biggest most juicy life. In order to really do that, you do need to do some work to acknowledge, integrate & accept your shadow self. Or in other words, embrace the shadow to move into the light. Acknowledging all of who you are is an important step on the path to becoming the new best version of yourself.
This is not to say that the “you” you share with the rest of the world is fake or a front. That you is the part that is necessary for you to function in the bigger world. But just imagine all of the juicy yummy layers there will be to who you are if you take a long hard look at your shadow self. Just imagine how much less guilt you’ll feel, how many blocks you’ll be able to bust through, how much you’ll be able to accomplish if you show your shadow some love.
“If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.” ~Carl Jung
When I talk about integrating the darker parts of yourself, I’m not talking about letting yourself loose on a free-for-all of asshole behavior. I’m not saying it’s perfectly cool to tell the irritating person behind you in the checkout line to fuck off after punching them in the throat (as tempting as that may be). Not at all. I’m saying that you need to acknowledge & recognize that those feelings exist & accept responsibility for them. And you need to do this without judgement & without shaming yourself. There is no part of who you are that is shameful. Once you acknowledge your darker traits they stop having power over you & they stop blocking you from evolving. Make sense?
SHADOW WORK FOR BEGINNERS
Shadow work isn’t some overnight quick fix. It takes ongoing work on your part & a willingness to face shit you might not want to take a long hard look at. For some, working with a therapist might be the best route to go when facing the shadow. For those who want to give it a go on their own, here are a few pointers to get you started. Choose whichever method of shadow work will be most enjoyable for you, mix & match…or come up with your own unique method of acknowledging your shadow.
- The first & most obvious thing you have to do is to identify the different aspects of your shadow self & choose what parts you want to focus on to begin with. For example, I’m working through my laziness at the moment.
- Find a quiet space where you know you’ll be undisturbed for the period of time you determine. Light a few candles to set the mood & then meditate. Allow any & all thoughts in & look at them without judgement or guilt-tripping. This is a really useful way to find parts of your shadow that maybe you didn’t know existed.
- Writing, painting or drawing are 3 creative ways to set your unconscious mind free, allowing you to explore your shadow parts & the thoughts & feelings that come with them. Again, no judgement. Just allow the words or images to flow & be an accepting loving witness to whatever reveals itself.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~Carl Jung
Here’s the key to all of this, maybe the most important nugget I can share with you. Radical self-awareness is everything. Seriously. Once you’re aware of your shadow parts…you know they exist…you’ve acknowledged them & taken responsibility for them…they no longer have the power to control your behavior.
Does that mean I’ll no longer be a lazy bitch & become a turbo-charged energy filled maniac. BAHAHA…no.
However it does mean that I am now very, very aware every time the laziness tries to dominate. It means the choice is now mine as to whether I choose to do a whole lotta nothin’ or I kick my lazy ass into gear & get shit done. That particular piece of my shadow no longer controls me, I control it…and thus I control the direction in which my life is headed.
Are you ready to take control of your own shadow?
