In my opinion we are currently undergoing a major societal shift here in the United States…
THE STORY
…It seems as if we are experiencing an awakening of our collective soul, and it’s about damn time. After the 2016 election, in this post, I talked about how if anything good could come of it, it would be that perhaps people would be motivated to become advocates. Advocates not only for themselves, but for the greater good. It seems to me that just maybe, that’s what’s happening.
While it’s true that we currently seem to be living in some 1950’s version Orwellian nightmare, the fight for our true identity has begun. All of the ugliness that has been given a voice and a leader since November 2016 has apparently lit a fire within us; it has inspired in us the desire to fight back, to become the best version of ourselves as a people.
I honestly don’t think that there has ever been a time that we were all so simultaneously aware of the many wrongs that need to be righted, and were willing to fight for the change. Racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia, xenophobia, bigotry, discrimination of any kind…every bit of ugly one can think of is getting called out and faced down. One of the offshoots of this mass awareness, at least for me, is a subtle shift in my perception of seemingly innocuous words and actions.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do feel that in some respects the pendulum has swung too far, and that I’ll save for another day. Perhaps though, the pendulum had to swing too far (as it has on the other side) in order for it to reach a state of equilibrium.
The inspiration for this story was two articles that I read the other day in regard to a word that I had never really put all that much thought into. It’s a word that I don’t really use myself; perhaps subconsciously I already found it, if not offensive, at the very least not very nice when presented in the wrong context. Perhaps it’s just simply not a word that is in my lexicon.
The word in question is “flattering”. Think about it. As the editors at Bustle say in this article, it is one of those words that over the years has become a means of body shaming, at least in the perception of some. Typically when someone says that an outfit or a piece of clothing is flattering, what they really mean (without necessarily intending to do harm) is, “That outfit makes you look thinner/skinnier”. Mind you, I said typically. I am aware that this isn’t always the case. I’m also aware that it is a slippery slope to start viewing every single nuance as a perceived slight.
But if you think of all of the contexts and situations in which the word “flattering” is used, it does make sense. I for one, have never worried much about whether or not an outfit would be deemed flattering to my shape by the outside world and I have always encouraged others to have the same view. What makes me feel beautiful and my most authentic self often probably would not be considered “flattering” according to the societal definition. I do however, like how Australian singer Betty Who has chosen to define the word in this article. She said,
“I think dressing for your body is sort of the same as saying flattering,” she says. “It’s like finding something that works for you. It’s like you’re at a store, you put on a shirt, or a dress, and you go, ‘I look f*cking awesome, this dress is so flattering on me,’ and it’s because it fits perfectly to my body and it just works. It’s really challenging for me to say I think it’s a negative word, because I really don’t. I think it’s just been used with a negative connotation.”
I love that. At it’s root “flattering” isn’t a negative word at all. It’s simply the manner in which it has been used over the years. Like I said, I have never really used the word. If I compliment someone I always say things like “That outfit is gorgeous on you” or “Wow! That color really makes you look beautiful”. There is nothing wrong with the word per se, but I do think we need to take a look at the context in which we are using it. We simply need to be more aware. It is open to possible misinterpretation, whereas telling someone they are looking gorgeous is pretty straightforward. It’s funny how one simple word can make all the difference in how you make someone feel.
This new awareness, this societal awakening of the soul if you will, gives me hope. Even the awareness of how we use a seemingly inconsequential word like “flattering” means something. It means that we are taking a long hard look at who we are as people, as a country and as a citizens of the larger world. It means that we want to do better…to be better. And I for one, believe that we will.
THE OUTFIT
I first wore this fun ruffle hem high low shirt on Thanksgiving paired with skinny jeans, ankle boots and my fabulous velvet socks. I wore the white version with skinny jeans and over the knee boots. Today I paired it with my Chico’s So Flattering skinny black pants and I think the end result was pretty fabulous.
It’s one of those shirts that is so voluminous that it almost begs to be paired with a narrower bottom. I feel like a narrower bottom piece highlights the gorgeous layered ruffle hemline in all of it’s glory. This shirt, while simple, is truly a statement piece in it’s own right.
THE TIP
Always, always choose outfits that make you feel beautiful. It does not matter in the least if other people think that it’s “flattering”. The only thing that truly matters is that you think it is flattering simply because it works for you.
THE LINK UPS
Check out the weekly link ups I participate in for even more fashion and style ideas…
Shirt: JCPenney; Pants: Chico’s (Similar); Boots: ASOS (Similar)
