Typically if you read an article or see a movie about having the ability to have conversations with your past self, it involves the present (or future) self imparting her/his infinite wisdom & knowledge to their poor naive past self. But what if we flipped that scenario on its head…
C’MON, LET THE GIRL SPEAK
What if we pulled up a couple chairs & sat down with our past self and just allowed her to speak? What if we allowed her to explain the how’s & why’s of some of the things that we do? Instead of blaming her, ignoring her or trying to bury her deep…
What if…we acknowledged her, allowed her to feel seen, allowed her to express her truth & showed her compassion?
Talk about a f*cking mindset shift my friends. Understanding the “why” of our past self instead of trying to silence her is a total game changer.
Who amongst us hasn’t at some point attempted to ignore, eliminate or bury under positive thinking a recurrent thought or behavior that we’ve carried over from our past? And honestly, that’s a completely understandable response to thoughts or behaviors that we view as negative…especially when we’re working on improving ourselves. The problem is that typically this strategy will backfire on us. Why? Because like a temperamental toddler, past you will kick, scratch, scream & pound her fists until she’s heard…one way or another, she will be heard.
HERE’S WHAT PAST YOU WOULD HAVE TO SAY
How in the hell do I know what past you would have to say? I know because no matter what the words are that she’s saying or the behaviors that she’s doing, they all come from the same place as everyone else’s…fear & protection. Or more specifically, fear of & protection from some past experience, either real or imagined. Many of the blocks or responses that you have actually were born from good intentions. They are the result of the realest, truest most deep down you building walls to try to protect herself from the cruelness of the world. Then over time, the response or belief became a habit. Even though it may have outlived its usefulness or become more harmful than useful, the belief/habit at this point is a learned behavior.
You need to be ready to practice “compassionate awareness” which means you’re mindfully being with the experiences without trying to change them. Compassionate awareness both reduces the pain & makes it so much easier for the experience to change on it’s own. In order to make space for past you to share all that she feels & all that she thinks she knows, you need to set aside some calm quiet time alone & be sure to have a pen & paper or your journal. You need to go into this with the mindset that the block/belief/habits are there for a reason & you need to be ready to honor that & not resist it.
Close your eyes & imagine a detailed image of past you. What does she look like? How old is she? What is she wearing? What is she feeling? Now imagine sitting down with her in some beautiful location; it can be real or magical…maybe you’re at Starbucks or maybe you’re floating on a cotton candy cloud with unicorns trotting around, whatever floats your boat. This is your meeting after all, so design it any way you like.
Now with the clear detailed image of past you firmly in mind, begin writing. Don’t think, just write. Remember, past you is doing the writing. Allow her to express, in detail, how each block/habit/belief came into being. Pay attention as she explains exactly why she felt it was necessary to protect herself with each one.
Make no judgements & add no commentary (yet) as present you. Allow space for past you to fully express herself & to feel seen. When you feel as if past you has completely emptied her thoughts & feelings, sit with it for awhile & allow it to sink in. Now that the reasons behind your blocks/habits/beliefs have been laid out for you to examine, are you able to better understand them? Does it make at least a little more sense why they exist in the first place?
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN
Finally, present you needs to write a thoughtful & compassionate response to past you. Address her fears & concerns in a kind manner. Thank her for protecting you when you needed it & then show her proof that it’s now safe to let the defenses go. Reassure her that you are now fully capable of living a life free of the blocks/habits/beliefs that she had put in place when they were needed…and then set her free. By doing this you have in essence, removed some of the power your past defense mechanisms have over you & your thoughts/actions/words.
“Be compassionate with your past self. She built the walls to protect you; now that they no longer serve you, show her it’s safe to tear them down…”
Will this little exercise make all of your sticking points, self-limiting beliefs & negative self-talk simply vanish into thin air? Um, no. It will however make you more aware of exactly what those things are & how to more expertly navigate around them. It will take away some of the power these past defenses have over us. It will help you to see the importance of speaking kindly to yourself (read more about that here) & it will move you forward in your self-improvement journey. And isn’t that really the goal…learning more about ourselves & then doing better each day than the we did the day before?
THE LINKUPS
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