Would you tell your BFF that her ass is fat, her boobs are sagging & she has crow’s feet as deep as the Grand Canyon? Ya, I didn’t think so. Then riddle me this, Batman…why in the hell is it okay for you to say things like that to yourself…
BODY IMAGE & THE MIDLIFE WOMAN: THE UGLY TRUTH
Women, for a thousand & one reasons, have always been traditionally hard on themselves, and probably the one area where our inner dialogue is the nastiest is in regard to our bodies. I’m too fat…I’m too skinny…My nose is crooked…I have a neck that looks like it belongs on a wild turkey…My upper arm continues waving 30 seconds after I’ve stopped waving…you know what I’m talkin’ about. And I know you do. If I were a bettin’ woman I’d say that a solid 99% of you reading this right now have all sorts of similar nonsense being spouted by the mean girl in your head on a pretty regular basis.
Am I wrong? I highly doubt it. And if you’re the 1% that doesn’t do it? Please, share your secret with the rest of us.
In Western culture, we’ve been conditioned from a very early age to put a whole lotta value on certain physical attributes. Specifically the physical attributes that have been deemed “desirable” by a male-dominated society i.e. a thin, but curvy body with tight tanned skin, a “pretty” face & not a hair out of place. Many of us also grew up hearing unkind (well-intentioned or not) words tossed our way by family members, kids & random strangers in regard to our weight or how we looked. And sadly those old words sometimes take root & become part of the soundtrack playing on loop in our head. Throw in the unattainable & oftentimes straight up unreal images that we’re fed daily by media/social media & that my friends, is a recipe for a seriously jacked up body image.
Need proof?
- Approximately 43 million adult women in the United States are dieting to lose weight at any given time; another 26 million are dieting to maintain their weight. Body image dissatisfaction in midlife has increased dramatically, more than doubling from 25% in 1972 to 56% in 1997.
- Comparable levels of dieting and disordered eating are found across the spectrum of young and elderly women. When asked what bothered them most about their bodies, a group of women aged 61 to 92 identified weight as their greatest concern.
- A major research project found that more than 20% of the women aged 70 and older were dieting, even though higher weight poses a very low risk for death at that age, and weight loss may actually be harmful. [Source: Medscape.org]
On a side note, while doing the research for this post I discovered that information and/or studies on body image & the midlife woman is sorely lacking. It’s very obviously a widespread problem, but sadly, the topic isn’t getting the attention that it needs.
SO WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?
Well, for starters we, and I mean the great big collective “we”, need to shine a big freakin’ spotlight on the topic. We need to speak honestly, and often, about our own struggles with body image. We need to share our truths. I’m not going to lie or sugarcoat it, I can be pretty nasty to myself when it comes to body image. Growing up I fairly often heard things from my family like “Hey, Miss Piggy” or “You’re on a see-food diet…you see food & then you eat it” so yep, I’d say I earned my issues.
I’m pretty solid in most areas as far as confidence & self-image goes, but throw an extra 5 pounds on me or a new wrinkle or three and the hell-beast in my head starts spouting off. I’ve gotten better at paying attention & shutting it down, but it does still happen way more often than I’d like.
And to be clear, I’m not saying that we all have to just accept each new wrinkle or every single pound that creeps up on us in order to have a solid body image. If that acceptance works for you, that’s awesome. But if you are interested in fillers or other means to tweak your appearance there’s no shame in that…you do what you need to do to love yourself more. And just as there’s no shame in tweaking things, there is also no shame in wanting to take better care of yourself & lose a few pounds.
The key is to be 100% certain that the changes you make are because you want to make them…not because of ridiculous societal expectations of what a woman should look like. It’s important to do what you do for the right reasons, that it comes from a place of love & it’s done in a healthy manner.
In my case, there is a specific range where I feel most like myself…my clothes fit comfortably, I’m mentally at peace & I just feel more “me”. It has nothing to do with me trying to achieve some unattainable ideal & everything to do with feeling good in my own skin. The difference between how I would’ve handled that in the past as opposed to now is simple. I want to feel mentally & physically comfortable so I’m making an effort to eat more mindfully & move my body more often as opposed to starving myself & hanging up images of women I will never look like to “motivate” myself.
I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert on the topic, I’m far from it. I can only share my experience & a few things I’ve found to be helpful in my own life…
- Be compassionate & use kind words with yourself. Seriously friends, the power of words cannot be overstated. The next time you catch your inner mean girl starting to shoot off her mouth, interrupt her. Replace her words with kind words. Think of all of the amazing things that you love about yourself & talk about those things. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend.
- Wear something that you know you’ll feel beautiful wearing. Whether it’s an outfit, a piece of clothing, a pair of shoes or a piece of vintage jewelry, keep the pieces that make you feel incredible on regular rotation.
- This one might make you say, “Ew. No way.”, but for real, give it a try. Every day for just 30 seconds or so look at yourself in a full length mirror…either naked, in your undies or fully dressed if that’s the only way you can comfortably do it. Do it from a place of loving vibes & really look at your body. Don’t be self-critical. Let your gaze sweep over the parts you love…and the parts you don’t…without judgement. The goal here isn’t to suddenly be filled with boundless body love (but wouldn’t that be awesome) because that’s not realistic…the goal is to get yourself to at least a neutral frame of mind while looking at your body as opposed to negativity. It’s super difficult at first, but trust me on this, if you make it a regular practice your mindset will start to shift.
THE OUTFIT
I’m not really sure why, but I’ve never owned linen pants before. That is until now…and I have to say that I’m loving the Casey Pants from Caite & Kyla. As one would expect from linen, they’re lightweight & comfortable which makes them perfect for warm summer days. They’re cut with the just right amount of looseness & slouch that I love, and they’re the perfect length for me. Do keep in mind however, they run a bit big so I suggest ordering a size down.
I paired them with my groovy 70’s vibin’ crochet cropped tank top. It’s super similar to this crochet cropped top I wore with another Caite & Kyla piece a couple of years ago. And yes, it is perfectly 150% acceptable for women of ANY age to wear a crop top if they so desire. You know, in case you were wondering…
THE LINKUPS
Check out the weekly link ups I participate in for even more good reads & style ideas…
Pants: c/o Caite & Kyla; Top: Similar; Sandals: JCPenney (Similar)
**Pants were received c/o Caite & Kyla. All opinions, as always, are my own.
