All of us get stuck at some point in time. Whether it’s in our personal lives, our careers or when we’re working on our goals & dreams, sometimes it seems as if we’re just not making the progress that we’d like. If we’re lucky, we get a nudge from the universe that knocks us back on track. But what if you reach the point…when you literally just cannot…
WHAT DOES GETTING STUCK LOOK LIKE?
…And that my friends, is exactly where I’ve been. I know that some of you have noticed the lack of blog posts & emails as well as my inconsistency with Instagram content. The reason for that is, I literally just could not. And by “could not”, I mean “could not” anything at all…think car stuck in a muddy ditch, wheels spinning & throwing crap everywhere while sinking deeper & deeper gaining no traction at all. Yep, that kind of stuck.
It started back in October/early November shortly after I released my free e-book. I was extremely proud of it & super excited so I found it strange that when I sat down to work on fleshing it out with tons more content to create a saleable product I just couldn’t write. No matter what I tried or how often I tried it, nothing would come. It wasn’t writer’s block because as I discovered over the course of October & November it was also a struggle to put together a blog post. It wasn’t that I didn’t have things to say, I simply couldn’t get the words out of my head. I was frustrated to the point of tears because writing has been my great love since I was just a kid and finding myself unable to do it crushed my soul.
All summer long I had worked diligently to get my coaching business ready to launch in the fall. I was plowing through my online course certifications, had designed the basic structure of the program and then…nothing. Even though I found myself unable to produce anything at all, my brain was working in overdrive. Actually I think it was because I wasn’t able to produce that my brain wouldn’t stop. It became so full of ideas & things that I wanted to do in my business to help women that I became overwhelmed. And paralyzed. So paralyzed in fact, I couldn’t even sit down at my desk & check emails. I avoided even looking at my home office, which btw I actually love because I designed it to be my own beautiful little corner of the world. It had become that bad.
Ultimately, the “stuckness” spiraled & started to bleed over into my daily life. It affected everything down to the most mundane details. My morning routine was wrecked, as in I no longer really had one; when I had available downtime I was often spending it starting at a wall. I stopped my afternoon walks (honestly, the early darkness & freezing cold didn’t help) & when I got home from work each day, I’d throw on my pajamas, eat dinner & my ass was firmly planted on the couch for the rest of the night. I still occasionally took half-hearted outfit shots. From now on though, when you see an image that looks like this:
Just keep in mind that it’s only a snapshot of a moment, that everyone, no matter who they are, goes through the same shit that you do. Believe me, the last few months I have wavered back & forth between trying to still live my best life & finding joy in the moments & trying to bitch slap the mean girl in my head telling me that I might as well just give up on my dreams. Even though everything looks well & fine in a photo, behind the pretty picture is a human being; a human being who may well be trying to swim against a current that’s trying it’s best to suck them into the abyss.
And now for the important stuff…
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE STUCK
First & foremost, Ask. For. Help. If you’re anything like me, you like to think that you’re a smart independent badass who can take care of her own problems. In some situations that is 100% accurate, but in others not so much. Sure, I’ve gotten myself unstuck before, but this time was different & the reason was that I couldn’t get out of my own head long enough to get to the “why”. And the “why” was the root of the problem. That’s where talking to my therapist about it became a huge part of beginning to solve the problem. Yes, I have a therapist & I’m a firm believer in the idea that we all should have one…even if we only need to check in for a tweak here & there. We all have issues we need to work through from time to time & we need an impartial ear to help us do it. I highly recommend keeping a therapist in the contacts on your phone
She helped me to see that what triggered my spiral into being totally immobilized was my work schedule, to be more specific the lack thereof. Coming from an out of control & chaotic childhood, structure, stability & consistency are things I need to a certain degree in order to function & feel safe. Since the end of October (when this all started) I never know from one day to the next what my school schedule is going to look like…kids at school & online, all kids online, but me teaching from my classroom or all of us online with me teaching from home. My entire day, from the teaching schedule down to what I wear & when I eat changes with no warning.
Even though this past year has helped me to grow leaps & bounds into being able to accept change, facing the daily uncertainty was simply too much for my little girl brain to handle. That in turn led me to simply shut down. My therapist suggested that I lock in a set schedule for my mornings before work (regardless of where/how I was working) as well as my evenings after dinner.
She also reminded me of how important getting outside in nature is to me & that I for sure needed more of that. So I sat down & wrote out a schedule for both of those blocks of time that made sense for me & that I thought would make me happy. I’ve been religiously following my new schedule for over a week now & I already feel not only a hundred times better, but also saner. I’ve also started getting outside again. Even if I don’t have time for an actual walk I at least go out for awhile & breathe in some fresh air. Perhaps the most important thing she told me was to “just start”. The hardest thing to do when you’re stuck is to get yourself moving again, but once you start, the momentum builds & before you know it…boom…two blog posts in a week, just like the old days.
My good friend & coach, Katherine Keller also reached out to me around the same time to ask how things were going with the business planning because she knew (through her psychic-like observational skills) that something was off. We spoke for quite awhile about everything that has been going on, and as always she had several spot-on suggestions. In addition to what my therapist recommended she felt that the best way to clear out the clusterf*ck in my head was to sit down with my journal and free write a brainstorm list of the zillion ideas that were all jammed up in my brain in order to clear space & help me see things more clearly. She also provided me with copies of weekly, monthly & quarterly goal sheets in order to eliminate, prioritize & start working towards achieving the ideas from my brainstorm list.
There is still much inner work to be done, but I can tell you this, I feel immeasurably better this week than I did last week. I feel my focus, my passion & my desire to go after what I deserve coming back maybe even stronger than before. I finally feel if not fully back on track at least like I’m heading in the right direction again.
To sum it all up, if you are stuck or feel like you’ve lost your way:
- Ask for help. It doesn’t have to be a therapist or coach (although I highly recommend both), it can be a friend or family member that you trust, the important thing is to find someone that you can talk through the situation with. Typically when we’re stuck in some area of our lives, we’re so deep in our own heads we can’t see things clearly through all of the noise. Outside input is a must.
- Make a point of actually scheduling non-negotiable time into your day that is time just for you to enjoy/work on the things that really matter to you.
- Brainstorm ideas to clarify what you want to accomplish & how you want your life to look. Eliminate the things that aren’t important & prioritize the rest. Then plug them into weekly, monthly & longer term goals.
- Take a break outside every single day…move your body to get the inspiration flowing again.
- JUST START.
THE LINK UPS
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