Over the years I have written a lot about 100% being yourself & giving zero f*cks in regard to what anyone else thinks, BUT how others perceive you does matter to a certain degree…
SNAP JUDGEMENTS ARE HUMAN NATURE
From an evolutionary perspective, humans are hardwired to make immediate split second assessments of other humans that we cross paths with. We use a variety of verbal & nonverbal cues to almost instantaneously decide things like a person’s intelligence, confidence, social grouping & what kind of person they are in general. Our ability to interpret a person’s words and/or behaviors (think body language, posture & such) to make an instant judgment call on what type of person we think someone is or isn’t is called “person perception”.
Person perception isn’t a free pass to be a snarky judgmental ass. It’s just our way of figuring out on a surface level, what the people in our direct orbit are like. Do we want to hang out with them & get to know them better? Do we want to invite them to be on our committee at work? Do we trust them to pet our dog? Do we want them to spontaneously combust into a pile of ash right in front of us? It’s kind of like an internal GPS that lets us know what our next move should be around people we don’t know that well, if at all.
And since I’m assuming that you don’t particularly want your fellow human beings wishing spontaneous combustion upon you (even if you do give zero f*cks), let’s talk about why perception matters.
WHY HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU MATTERS
We all (most of us, anyway) have a pretty solid idea of who we believe ourselves to be. This is called internal self-awareness. Since our internal self-awareness is, in our opinion, an accurate representation of who we are, we assume that the rest of the world sees us as we believe we are…this is external self-awareness; our awareness of how others see us. Since our view of ourselves is typically skewed a bit because, well, we can’t get out of our own heads, our external self-awareness might be a bit off. If there’s a disconnect between our perception of self & others’ perceptions of us, it can cause problems in everything from confidence & self-image to our relationships, i.e. you perceive yourself as outspoken & confident while your boss perceives you as a troublemaking pain in the ass.
Now let explain the difference (at least for me) between when the perception of others matters & when it’s entirely irrelevant. If I decide that I want to wear an outfit like say, this one, and some rando person’s perception is that I’m trying to dress like I’m younger than I am, well screw that. I could literally care less. Or if I see a stranger being rude & ignorant to a waitress & I speak up in defense of the waitress thus leading the stranger to perceive me as a bitch? Um, ya…zero f*cks.
One important thing to keep in mind, no matter what we do or say it will always be interpreted through the individual filter of the person(s) that we’re interacting with. In my example above about the waitress, while the stranger most likely thinks I’m a meddling bitch, the waitress on the other hand, probably views me as someone who speaks her mind & stands up for what was is right. See? Same situation, different filter…different perception.
However, it is important to me, both from a personal & business perspective, that people who matter to me & that I interact with regularly or people who come to me for help perceive me as confident, bold, independent, smart, big-hearted, funny & badass in the best possible way. Why? Because that’s how I perceive myself & that’s the vibe I want to put out into the world. I mean seriously, who’s going to want to work with a self-image & style coach that has a poor self-image & lacks the confidence to dress like her authentic badass self? If I’m going to talk the talk, I have to walk the walk…
And there’s really no way around it. It’s the same for all of us. If we want to be sure that we are putting the very best versions of ourselves out there & want the rest of the world to perceive us as we know ourselves to be, then we have to be mindful every day of aligning our thoughts, behaviors & actions to the best versions of ourselves. If we don’t make the effort to be mindful of that alignment we run the risk of being misunderstood by others & thus less effective in our interactions at home, at work & in the world. Even though another person’s filter might skew their perception of us, as long as we’re being our true authentic self the right people will appreciate us for who we are. If we aren’t aware of how others perceive us, not only are we selling ourselves short, but we’re also in turn we’re depriving the world of knowing the real genuinely fabulous human being that we are.
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